What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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