I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
