i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
