I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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