hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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