I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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