bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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