How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
