and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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