ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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