time to smoke my breakfast
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
