1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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