I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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