God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
