your parents love me but you hate me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This toilet bowl is my home.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
