I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
