and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bang-toberfest begins!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
