i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
