i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
