why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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