This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
