he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
