if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
