so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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