i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
