Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
