the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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