HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
