Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
