Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
