hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
