Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
