HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
