Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
