why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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