I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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