At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
