um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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