ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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