I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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