I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
