i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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