youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
