My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
