I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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