I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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