Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
