All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
