A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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