i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have tasted many bathrooms
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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