Just cropdusted the office
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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