she woke up with a sticky ear
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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